Small Town Livin'

Living with my family in Mayfield, UT has learned me taught me a lot about small town life.  Although I lived in an even smaller town until I was 12, I had forgotten what can happen to a sociological group when imprisoned in small clusters by miles of pasture land and a limited dating pool.

Just in case you ever find yourself in a farming town with a population of 400 people or less, here is a list of things you may not be adequately prepared for:

1.  Everyone knows everything about everyone else...or, at least, they think they do.





2.  The bigger the truck, the bigger the jerk.



3.  Big trucks are actually really, really fun to drive.  (Try not to think about #2)

4.  If your car goes off the road....

you have about 30 seconds before Brawny men appear out of nowhere to assist you. 

5.  If you want your mail, you must drive a mile to the post office to pick it up

6.  If you don't want to fire up your big truck just to get your mail, simply drive your four wheeler.

  

Please note:  Driving a four wheeler instead of a big truck to the post office does not preclude you from obeying the speed limit of 15 mph assigned specifically to four wheelers and snow mobiles

7.  Mullets will always be in style, so start growing yours now so it will be nice and thick by the time you pull into town

8.  Livestock outnumbers humans by at least 100 to 1

9.  Everywhere you go, warning signs for deer crossings line the roads.  However, as I ponder the landscape, I can't help but wonder if the deer are just trying to commit suicide by leaping in front of big trucks????

And last but not least, 

10.  It is more shocking to discover that your neighbor is a Democrat vs. a Polygamist.

Here's a bonus vocabulary lesson!

• The use of proper grammar is unnecessary and sometimes confusing to others - over time, you will notice yourself using words like "aint".  Don't fight it.  Just go with the flow.
• Tuesday is pronounced "Toos-dee" and Wash is pronounced "Worsh"
• Vegetarian = you will eat the mashed potatoes that accompany your enormous steak
• Vegan = "V-Gun...what's a V-Gun?  Got to get me one of them!"
• If you come across a group of men, refer to them as boys.  For example, "Heya boys!"  If you are talking with a girl, always refer to her as "hon".

Hope this list helps you feel more prepared when you visit me in Mayfield.  Hope to see you soon!